An old guy on his kitchen floor, scared, and the second we walked in he calmed down because someone competent had arrived. I wanted to be that for people. No lightning bolt, just that.

Be careful with the lightning-bolt story. People who wait for certainty before committing usually wait forever. Most doctors I know didn’t just know. They tried the work in small, real ways, liked more of it than they disliked, and kept walking. Certainty is something you build by doing, not a gift you wait to receive.

Echoing Reg from a bit further down the road. I kept waiting for the sure feeling. It never arrived as a feeling, it arrived as a habit. One day I noticed I’d stopped asking the question.

Honestly I relate to David’s a lot more than I thought I would when I first read it. For me it wasn’t one moment either, it was little things stacking up quietly. Sitting with a patient’s family after a long shift and not wanting to be anywhere else. Studying something brutal like renal physiology at 11pm and being annoyed at myself for finding it interesting.

I do think Reg has a point though. I spent so long waiting for the “yes this is definitely it” feeling and it just never came in that clean way. What came instead was noticing I kept choosing it, even on the hard days, even when it would’ve been easier to walk away. That’s probably closer to the truth than any story with a neat ending.

So if you’re in the maybe stage, I wouldn’t stress too much about needing clarity first. Mine came after, not before.